4 real-life lessons from video games

Diving Inside the League of Blame
3 Lessons from one of the most “toxic” player bases on Earth

Every once in a while, I like to play some video games to unwind.

One of my favorites is League of Legends.

And while I would say it’s a great game, a lot of the players are…. how do I put this gently? Mentally unstable? Toxic? Downright hostile? At sub-zero intelligence?

Yup, I think those sound nice all things considered.

With that said, let’s dive into 3 of the worst mindsets I see from a lot of players and how they apply to real life. 

1. The Blame Game

I’d say this is by far the most common one.

For context:

League of Legends is a game where you play 5 vs 5. You need to destroy the opponents’ Nexus (their base) to win. Each team consists of 5 different roles, so each player has a direct counterpart as well as the other opponents to deal with.

Now, what do I mean by the blame game?

Have a look:

Isn’t that just a lovely interaction from people?

Besides the point that they’re being rude for no darn reason, this is an issue that lots of people suffer from both in-game AND in real life. It’s the fallacy of responsibility.

It goes something like this:

In general we tend to take credit for the good things that happen in our lives while we tend to push away the negatives. We call it bad luck, blame circumstances, blame other people and so on.

We blame everything except ourselves in these instances.

• Got the job? “Yeah I aced that interview!
  Didn’t get it? “Well the interviewed had it out for me”

• First date went well? “Of course, I’m just that charming!”
  She laughed in your face when asking for a 2nd one? “She’s just a witch!”

• Project at work went well? “All in a day’s work of course!”
  Abysmal work? “I did well of course, Julia messed it, obviously!”

See the point?

Why Do We Do This?

Simple, it’s our minds “protecting” us.

To the brain, mental pain can feel just as bad or worse than physical pain. Among hurtful things is admitting that we’re not as great as we like to think we are. It’s the ego getting in the way.

And so, your mind will “help” you through mental gymnastics.

What to Do Instead?

For this, I have two suggestions (simple and “extreme”):

If we take it back to the League of Legends example, one of my goals in playing is to get better at the game. And when I blame others, I give away all power to other people.

It’s literally saying you’re powerless over the outcome.

So firstly, stop playing the blame game!

Instead, what I would do if we lose a game is to look back at some crucial moments and choices. Did I miss crucial skills? Should I have been somewhere where I wasn’t? Did I help my team in making better decisions? What were some of my mistakes in this game?

See the point?

The thing is I can’t control others so it’s useless for me to think about what they could have done better. I can only change ME! So even if you’re completely convinced that 99% of the (poor) outcome was not on you, what is that 1% that YOU could have done better?

Ask yourself these kinds of questions to improve.

If you want to take this a step further, assume 100% responsibility for everything in your life. And yes, I mean everything! You want to go to that point for 1 simple reason:

Imagine you took 99% ownership of things.

Your mind would still try to shift blame to that 1%…

Note: Responsibility does NOT mean blame. Chance and luck are part of this world and sometimes there’s nothing you could have done. However, how you react to events that happen is 100% in your control!

If it makes you more comfortable with it, think of the word as “response able”.

In other words, having the ability to respond.

You have full power over your mind, don’t give it away through blame!

Doomsday Thinking

“Just ff15 guys”

It’s a common quote I’ve seen often from teammates.

This is short for ForFeit at the 15-minute mark (the earliest time to surrender). Usually, you’d see this message in the first 5 minutes of the game after 1 player had a bad start. Maybe they died twice so far.

There are actually 2 main issues with this kind of thinking:

Firstly there is the spotlight bias.

We tend to focus way more on ourselves than is reasonable, both in-game and real life. In this example, a player would look at his own scoreline compared to his opponent and think everything is doomed.

Regularly, the other 4 players on our team would be doing great!

If only this one player would step back to see the bigger picture, he’d realize that as a team, we’re actually ahead. And that not all is lost. With a little shift of mind (and playstyle), not only would we win, but that player can easily make an individual comeback too.

Keep that one in mind.

The mistake I want to focus on here however is doom thinking.

Repeat after me please:

“There is nothing in life that I can’t recover from!”

Unfortunately, I see a lot of this from people in real life:

• “I’ve destroyed my life”

• “I’m 25 and I’ve completely lost at life”

• Today, I ruined my YouTube channel”

• I’m 28 and never been in a relationship. I’m just unlovable”

These are the kinds of posts I see every day on Reddit.

Why This Happens

For starters, our brain has yet another wonderful protection mechanism. It’s always thinking of the worst-case scenario to keep as “safe” again.

It’s a good thing actually.

Humanity probably wouldn’t exist without it.

“Oh yeah, what could possibly go wrong if I try to pet this saber tooth tiger? It’s just a huge cat, am I right?” Famous last words spoken. But in all honesty, it kept us safe in prehistoric times.

It’s just not useful now.

The other main reason why people think this way is because of a belief that our past is going to equal our future. We’re generally great in staying stuck. Whether that’s keeping the same thought patterns, doing the same comfortable things or making the same dumb mistakes.

Only some people really have a growth mindset!

Congratulations on being among the few that do!

How to Fix This Issue

Firstly, patience comes to mind.

If we take the example of someone who hasn’t “figured out” life at 25: Neither does anyone else! Self discovery and playing the game of life are forever games! (until the day we pass on at least)

And guess what?

If you’re 25 years old right now, you’ll have 3 entire lifetimes ahead of you!

If you’re 48, you can still start that business you always wanted to start. And even if you blunder and are unsuccessful for 10 years, you still have decades to enjoy your success!

Life is LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGGGG my friend!

Note: That does not mean “postpone indefinitely”. Take action like there is no tomorrow, but realize that all good things take time, and you’ve got a ton of it!

The second thing is the growth mindset.

There is only 1 belief that actually matters:

“If I spend time practicing something, I will get better at it!”

Just because you’ve failed at things in the past, does not mean you’re doomed to repeat those mistakes. With the right attitude of not blaming others, you can learn, grow and do better next time.

Your past does NOT equal your future… unless you decide to live there!

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me

We talked a bit about the spotlight effect.

In League, this would show up in the form of people thinking only about themselves and not playing well with the team. In life, we often make the mistake of thinking in scarcity rather than abundance.

In some cases, this is true:

• If you got the job, other people were not hired.

• When you get into a relationship, the guys who had a crush on her did not.

• If you have a business, you know that many others are competing for the same attention from your target audience.

• Let’s say we’re in a poker game. Any chips you lose get added to someone else’s stack.

These are what we call zero-sum games.

However, life is also incredibly abundant!

• Didn’t get the job? There are many more jobs out there!

• Got rejected by your crush? Plenty of other girls you’d match well with!

• In business there’s always something you can do to get new customers, there are a ton of them out there!

• Not sure what to say about poker ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, you lost buddy! (and you can win big next game, or even next hand!)

The Issue & The Solution

The first main issue with this selfish focus is that we often get too focused on something specific that we want, like the one person we want to impress or get into a relationship with.

We make selfish choices (and often mistakes) because we believe we need this 1 single opportunity.

If we were to step a little bit back from the painting in order to see the bigger picture, we would see abundance. We’d be able to make better choices (for everyone) because we’re not acting out of scarcity.

For example:

People often like to take credit for things in work-related situations.

However, by realizing it’s not all about you, you can still do everything in your power to have the project succeed, but openly praise everyone else for their contributions.

Them getting credit does not put you down as a failure!

In fact, you’ll often get further by doing this!

Doing the Solo-Bolo

You might have heard things like:

• “If you want it done well, do it yourself.”

• “Success all rests on your shoulders!”

• “I’m fine, I can do this alone.”

• “Don’t rely on others for help.”

Newsflash: You don’t have to do everything yourself!

In fact, if you have big goals, it’s almost certain you can’t do it all alone!

The idea that you’ve got to do everything on your own is what keeps a lot of people playing small. Instead, look to network and meet new people. Brainstorm with others, have friends who keep you accountable, and so on!

Start forging those alliances, my friend!

The Character Creation Sadness…

Some things bring me sadness to see and experience.

Here’s one of them:

There are times I’ve heard of people who spend 2 hours creating their character in a video game… 2 fricking hours! And when another game comes out, they’d probably spend a lot of time there too.

Now, that’s not an issue in and of itself.

However, here’s the sad part:

For most of these people, I will bet that they have never sat down for two hours IRL to think of the person they want to become! Yet they do it for having the best pixels in a game.

Question:

Have you ever sat yourself down to map out who you really want to be?

What things are truly important to you?

What are your guiding principles?

What do you want to accomplish in your time here on earth?

Those kinds of questions.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing video games (nor any other hobby). However, it can become problematic when they start taking over your life and become more important than living itself.

(Been there when I was younger)

Let today be the day of your “Character Creation” process!

More Content to Enjoy!
Below is my latest video on happiness & more resources.

Action Steps for Today

For today’s action steps, I’ve got two main suggestions for you:

1. Think of a problem you’ve had recently or a situation that didn’t go according to plan. If you ended up blaming someone or something else at the time, that’s even better!
   
   With that situation in mind, can you write down 1 thing that you could have done differently that would’ve changed the outcome? Can you think of multiple? Can you draw lessons that help you do better in the future?
   
   Consider using this in the future too to keep yourself accountable.
   

2. Here’s another one to grab a pen and piece of paper for: Your own real-life character creation process! In order to get clearer on what the best version of you looks like, answers questions such as:
   

   • What character traits do I consider important for myself and others? How well am I doing in living in accordance?

   • What “class” do I want to be? (This is nerd-speak for “What do I really want to do with my life?)

   • Which skills do I need to learn in order to achieve my goals?

   • What actions and ways of thinking are absolute no-gos for me?

   • Is there a golden rule that I think is important to live by? Are there perhaps multiple?

   • How do I want other people to remember me by (both while living and after)? How do I want to perceive myself?

   
   You can expand the list of questions if you think of any. HOwever, these will give you a nice starting point.

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