The Uncomfortable Reality of Personal Development

The Anatomy of a Cold

In a way, personal development is much like the common cold and other minor sicknesses.

Here’s why:

When you first develop a cold or even a starting fever, there isn’t really an issue is there? Maybe you’ll cough a little bit or you feel slightly more tired than usual. At the beginning stages, there isn’t really an issue at all.

But… you feel like something is looming.

And then, a day or two later, the symptoms get worse.

This is when you develop a sore throat, are constantly coughing, sneezing and might develop a fever. At this stage, you simply feel like a trainwreck sometimes. You might have to skip work because of this.

The cold might get worse for a few days as well.

And then, you start getting better, either slowly or from one day to the next.

Note:

You might have noticed that I missed last Thursday’s and Monday’s editions of this newsletter. The reason is that I wasn’t feeling well myself. And because of that, I took the advice I’m sharing in today’s newsletter.

With that said, let’s look at personal development.

The Anatomy of Personal Development

People often have the wrong idea when it comes to personal development, which in a way makes sense. After all, we often use terms like personal growth and self improvement which portray a much rosier view.

People mistakenly assume they’re supposed to start feeling better and better…

This is NOT the case!

Here’s what personal development truly looks like:

I know.. I know… I’m a true Picasso!

Just like with cold example, things often get WORSE before they get better.

For example:

I talk about building confidence a lot.

In order to build more confidence, one of the things you’re gonna have to do is confront limiting beliefs and childhood trauma. This is quite a painful experience to go through. You’ll feel a lot better AFTER processing these things, but you'll feel worse temporarily while you’re going through it.

Note: Need more confidence? Check out my free masterclass!

That masterclass will teach you everything you need to know.

One Step Back to Take Two Steps Forward

When it comes to a lot of life’s problems, we often have 3 options:

1. Push through relentlessly

2. Pivot to go around an obstacle

3. Take a step back temporarily

When I was sick last week, I had to decide what to do. On one hand, I could have pushed myself to write my newsletter, edit more videos, exercise even though I felt wiped out, etc.

Or… I could take it easy and focus on getting better.

Here’s why I made this choice:

If I had pushed myself in this case, my work would be terrible compared to what I could do if I’m feeling well. When working the same amount of hours, I’d reckon my productivity would be halved.

Both quantitatively and qualitatively.

Plus, I would prolong my suffering.

My extra effort would have caused more strain on both my body and my mind. Trying to force out sub-par work requires resources that should go towards my body fighting the virus.

Recovering took me a couple of days.

Had I continued going full stream, I might still have been sick today.

In short, I took a step back in order to take two steps forward.

How to Know Which Option to Pick?

This is a rather simple example, but life is often more complex.

Life will constantly have challenges for you.

The question is:

How can you best deal with them?

The problem is that all 3 ways of dealing with a problem have merit, depending on the situation. Therefore, let’s cover all 3 approaches and when you might want to apply them yourself.

The Prerequisite:

The first thing you will need is CLARITY!

For this, you need 2 and a half things:

1 A clear understanding of your current position
2 The goal you’re trying to achieve (end point)
2.5 At least some idea of intermediate steps

It might be blatantly obvious when I point it out like this, but many people don’t have clear goals for themselves… and then wonder why they don’t feel accomplished in life.

Since you’re here, I’ll assume you’re better than that!

You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have clear goals, would you?

Note: If you don’t know your next goal, the exercise in this video will be a great start!

When to Push Through

A few newsletters ago, I talked about the concept of “Who, Not What”.

Most people are thinking about what to do in order to achieve their goal. Smart people look for others who have already achieved the same goal. This way, they can follow the same steps and get a similar result.

Two things to watch out for:

1. There are always multiple paths possible. Multiple ways of achieving the same outcome. You need to find the WHO with the right way for you.

2. Don’t copy what they’re doing NOW, but instead look for what they DID back when they were at the same stage you’re at right now.

When you have the right plan, pushing through becomes the way to go!

There’s a story from Alex Hormozi that will highlight the main issue at this stage:

This was when he first got into business and was doing flyers to promote it.

His mentor taught him that putting out flyers would help them get more clients. And so Alex got to work designing his flyer. After that, he got them printed and then put out 300 flyers.

He didn’t get a single new customer…

He went back to his mentor, who asked him the following:

“What was the test size you used for the flyer?”

After Alex told him that he put out 300, his mentor shared the secret with him…

What his mentor said was that their test size was 5000 flyers. And then, once they found one that worked, they would do 5000 flyers every day. And as you can imagine, Alex was quite humbled after that…

He was doing 1/500th of the required volume.

Most people VASTLY underestimate the amount of work required.

When you know that the plan you have is sound, push through. This means doing more of it (oftentimes a LOT more), being more consistent with it and sticking with it for longer until you succeed.

When to Pivot Into Something Else

In another newsletter, I shared how bees apply the 80/20 rule.

What a colony of bee does is to send most of its workers towards the best source of nectar to gather it. But, they use a smaller portion of them as scouts. These bees will fly in random directions to find an even better source.

You want to apply the same thing to your goal as well.

If you have a plan in place, focus most of your time and energy on the things that you think will have the most impact. But since you’re never 100% certain, focus some of your time on different experiments to see if there’s a better approach.

Whether to pivot or not is often a judgment call.

The issue with this is that there is often a very thin line between perseverance and stubbornness. You might be doing the right things and simply need to be patient. Or… perhaps you’re doing the wrong things, which is why you’re not getting the results.

Figuring out which way to go can be tough.

One of the best things you can do in this area is to network with like-minded people.

When you have people around you that are on a similar path, you can share your ideas, stories and feedback.

The Only Constant Is Change

Once upon a time MySpace was the biggest social media platform. It then made way for Facebook and Twitter. Later on, attention shifted towards Instagram and later to TIkTok. Short form video is popular now, but who knows if it will still be in 14 months?

Let’s say you were the GOAT at marketing on Twitter.

If you only kept doing Twitter, you’d have missed out on a ton of opportunities. In this case, going all-in on Twitter is a viable option. Pivoting to add Instagram and TikTok would have been incredibly beneficial as well.

Change is constant so what works well today doesn’t have to work tomorrow.

For this, you need to keep your eyes and mind open. In order to pivot, you first need to spot either a new opportunity or a way in which you’re messing up now. Critical thinking is the number one skill required for this.

Note: Get into the mindset of “AND” rather than “OR”! You can do both.

Taking a Step Back

Once upon a time, I had a dream of starting my own business.

Unfortunately though…

Unlike the gif above suggests, I could NOT do it at the time!

We’re talking about a time when I was 17 or 18.

The previous years, I was bullied pretty badly. Because of this, I had no confidence, social skills, self esteem or discipline. I dind’t know how to manage my time well. I had no clue how business and the world worked. And I had no marketing skills either.

Only an idiot would attempt to start a business.

Guilty as charged….

Luckily, I wised up at some point.

After some months of half-hearted (let’s be honest) effort, I gave up. Back then, I didn’t understand the rule that success requires a LOT more effort than we tend to think. Back then, I thought I was doing a lot… in reality I wasn’t.

That’s when I took a step back.

I didn’t give up… not really.

Instead, I gave up for the moment.

In my case, taking a step back meant abandoning the idea of business and focusing on personal development. Around the same time, I had failed university too, for the same reasons.

This step back took me YEARS of my life.

During these years I worked on creating a clear vision for my life. I taught myself to be disciplined. I built up my confidence and self esteem. Moreover, I used these years to learn about myself as well as business. marketing and productivity.

And with that, I’m not on my second attempt.

Another Example:

Perhaps you’re now comfortable in life, with a highly paid job. However, this job might not be something you'd love doing for the rest of your life. Taking a step back could mean taking another job that pays significantly less, but that’s more fulfilling.

Or, you could take a more junior position that teaches you a skill you need for later on in your plan. Especially if you’re young, work to learn rather than to earn.

Not sure about what you want to do with your life?

In that case there’s no shame in stepping back a bit to figure things out. It might feel bad to do this, but ask yourself: Would it be better to stand still for a while or to continue walking into the wrong direction?

Reality Check: The Finger of Power

Since we’ve been on the topic of personal development feeling uncomfortable along the way. Let’s continue with another hard to swallow pill!

This 1 mindset shift can completely make or break your life!

Lessons I’d Give to an Idiot

That idiot is my past self…

To be frank, I made soooooo many mistakes in my life that it’s ridiculous. These mistakes have cost me YEARS of my life in terms of lost time and potential.

Watch this video to learn the lessons from 3 of my painful mistakes: