Most Personal Development is GARBAGE, here's why

The BEST Way to Turn Failure Into Success

I remember crying…

… a fair amount.

At the time, I was sitting on the passenger seat of a car in a city nearby where I live. I remember feeling devasted. After all, I really thought I had successfully done it this time!

Instead, I failed my driver’s license test.

For the fourth time…

Why am I sharing this with you?

Looking back in 20/20 hindsight there is a crucial lesson we (that’s you & I) can take from this. The reason is that I did not lack the skill to pass. Literally an hour beforehand, I was driving as a final practice, which went fine.

It’s the nerves that destroyed me.

My driving test was the first time in my life I ever experienced this.

And it taught me a great lesson:

Oftentimes, we think that it’s our skill that is lacking. Or that we don’t have the knowledge required to reach the next level. However, this experience taught me that the biggest stumbling block to success is our own mental barriers!

Barriers like:

• I’m afraid I’ll fail

• I’m not worthy enough of this

• I’m afraid of trying new things

• I’m amazing! (Yup, ego can be a great block too)

• I can’t do it because [insert insecurity here]

• I turn into a wolf at the full moon

• I’ve got anxiety

• I lack the confidence to do that

• And the list goes on and on…

The Puppeteers of the Deep

Our minds are marvelous, aren’t they?

The mind is fantastic at rationalizing things.

Heck, it’s so good at dodging responsibility it could be a politician!

If we were to look at a situation that didn’t turn out the way we planned it, our minds will come up with 28394 excuses and reasons why this didn’t go our way. Most of those have to do with external factors.

That’s our mind protecting us!

To the brain, mental pain can hurt the same way as physical pain (except usually more intense and lasting longer). That’s why our minds repress a lot of negative emotions and limiting beliefs.

Meaning:

We never actually work on the actual problems.

Our limiting beliefs and emotions are the root cause of behavior like self sabotage, procrastination, indecision, etc.

However, we never actually work on them.

Consider this analogy:

Let’s say you go to the doctor because you’re coughing constantly.

You walk in, tell him what the issue seems to be and you get examined. He then tells you “Well, you definitely have a cough. I’m going to prescribe you some cough medicine”. And then you walk out.

However…

Let’s say the cause of the cough was a lung infection that wasn’t treated.

Do you think you’d get better or worse?

Why Most Personal Development Advice Fails!

Tell me if this sounds familiar:

You get inspired by something. Maybe it’s a video you watch or a newsletter you’re reading (did I.. just break the 4th wall?). You start working on yourself and improving your life.

You make progress!

YAY!!!! 🙂 

And then you regress back to where you were….

Sad face ☹️ 

And then, once you’re fed up with falling back into your old habits and way of being, you restart the grind again. You make progress again, until… you aren’t anymore.

And the circle repeats itself.

That happens with most “techniques” in personal development.

Most personal development simply does not work!

To use our previous analogy:

What most personal development techniques do is try to tackle the symptoms and eliminate them. However, they never actually get to the disease causing them.

Let me give you an example:

When someone procrastinates, the blanked solution is time management techniques. Things like time blocking, scheduling, accountability and so on.

At best, these only work temporarily.

Because procrastination is NOT a time management issue.

Procrastination is a fear issue.

When someone procrastinates their fears (failure, the unknown, discomfort, judgment, etc.) is what prevents them from completing their desired tasks. The solution is not time management but either boosting desire or reducing fear.

See the point?

Let me give you a bit more context:

Let’s say our fictitious person, Rick, wants to start a business.

However, in his mind, he associates having a business with needing to be responsible for a lot of things. He also considers himself to be a fairly irresponsible person.

Subconsciously, he believes he would fail if he started a business.

The result?

Procrastination!

Solving the Issue With 1 Word!

We need to tackle the real issues for real progress.

However, this goes against our instinct.

For example:

Say there’s a guy who gets all flustered when talking to a girl and can barely utter a word (hint: It was me). In that situation, our response is to think:

“I don’t know what to say, what lines can I use in a situation like this?

The question we ask is: “What now?”

Instead, ask yourself “Why?”.

• Why do I feel nervous in this situation?

• Why can I freely speak to my female coworker, but not my crush?

• Why do I feel like crap when presenting something at work?

• Why do I feel insecure about myself?

• Why do I have feelings of depression?

When in doubt, become a herd of frantic 4-year-olds!

When faced with a situation where your insecurities get triggered, turn yourself into that herd of 4-year olds and start running around the place screaming “Why? Why? WHy? WHY? WHHYYYY???”,

Maybe don’t do this in public?

Maybe.

Film the reactions for me if you do!

Alright, moving on:

The key here is that you want to dive deeper into your mind. Uncover the real reasons why you’re scared of certain things or have a certain habit. That way, you can work on overcoming the real issue!

This question helps you get to the bottom of it.

Let Fear Be Your Guiding Light
Because you don’t overcome a fear of heights from the ground!

Some time ago, I had the pleasure of interviewing a successful coach.

This guy had a fear of heights.

His solutions?

• Indoor climbing

• Bungee jumping

• Learning to fly a small plane

You see, he understood 1 crucial concept:

If you don’t face your fears, you’re not gonna overcome them!

I had the same thing when I first started creating content.

I was TERRIBLE on camera!

Back then, I had tremendous fear and anxiety about talking in front of a camera (and other people, but that’s an issue for another time). I would sweat, my face would turn lobster-red, I’d stutter and I’d be shaking all over.

But, I did it anyway!

Yes, the first videos were awesome.

However, they proved my fears wrong!

Your mind is always going to assume the worst-case scenario. It’s a survival mechanism that we all have. However, when you face your fears directly, you start proving to yourself that it’s okay to try, even when you fail!

You’re not gonna drop off the face of the earth.

You’re not going to die if you do this.

The puppies will still be safe.

So if there is one thing I could urge you to do, it would be to take something that you’ve been putting off. And do it today! Not tomorrow, not next week, not next century.

Today!

Resources for Uncovering Your Fears
These will give you practical ways of doing what we talked about!

The Two-Step Action Plan

So, how can you get started with working on the real problems?

Here are the two steps I recommend:

Pick one of your goals, and think of things you’ve been putting off but you know they will move you ahead. Whatever that thing is you’re fearing most, go and do just that!

Why?

For starters, it will help you overcome the fear.

But it also leads perfectly to you finding your deeper levels to work on.

Here’s how it works:

When you go and face your fear, you’re going through negative emotions.

Remember that 1 simple question?

When you notice that you get anxious, nervous, feel imposter syndrome, or whatever negative feeling you’re getting, ask yourself why you’re feeling that way.

Don’t let yourself off the hook until you have a great answer.

When you do, you’ll reach higher levels of self-awareness, one of the most important skills you could ever learn!

Quick Question for You
Thank you for reading this newsletter until the end! Hope it brings great value to you! :)

Since my goal is to help people, I’d like to ask the following:

Is there any question related to personal development that is on your mind? Or perhaps you’re facing a problem in your life? Reply to this email and I’d be happy to talk about it in a future newsletter (if I have a solid answer).

And if you’re getting value from the newsletter, would you consider sharing it?