Breaking a Negative Spiral Quickly!

Break a Bad Cycle… Before It Breaks You!

There have been times in my life when it felt like everything was slipping away from me. Times when it seemed that life was basically spiraling out of my control.

It was the result of a couple of setbacks.

But here’s the important part:

The setbacks weren’t that bad.

The main issue was that because of them, I felt worse about myself and the future. It temporarily robbed me of my confidence and self esteem. I felt powerless over the situation.

The result?

Because of how I felt, I didn’t take the right steps to remedy and improve upon my situation. Because of my lack of action, things got even worse.

It became a vicious circle…

How Boxing Champs Are Reinvented

Have you ever heard of this scheme?

Of course, in boxing, the athletes are prone to injuries. When a boxer has been out of the running for a while, or has been feeling down, the coaching staff does something very interesting:

They deliberately build positive momentum.

They get the boxer back into fights.

But they don’t start with the best opponents available.

For the first fights after the break, they start the boxer of with fights that they know he/she can win, even when in terrible form. In other words, it’s a match where they outclass their opponents.

They can ease into the first few matches this way.

It helps them rebuild their confidence and form.

And it activates “The Winner Effect”.

In simple terms, here’s what The Winner Effect does:

When someone is seeing some form of wins and improvement, they feel better about themselves and their journey. As a result, they’re even more motivated and eager to improve further. With this vigor, they grow even faster and achieve even more.

It’s a positive circle:

Someone gets some small win —> They feel better —> Motivation and effort increase —> They get a bigger win —> Their confidence is boosted even more —> They get bigger wins —> yadayadayadayada, you get the point.

In short, they start feeling like this:

The Circle of Self-Loathing

How do people get into a rut?

When life seems to spiral out of control, this is usually because of a concept that I call “The Circle of Self-Loathing”. Once you understand this concept, you’ll be able to break out of a rut quickly!

Here’s a visual representation of it:

Let’s start with 2 simple facts:

1. I’m terrible at graphic design

2. Making progress in life is easy when you’re feeling great!

A rut happens starts when someone is feeling down.

This could be due to an unforeseen setback, which is an external factor. As well as internal factors, for example a feeling of being a loser after seeing everyone around you (seemingly) do better in life.

So happens next?

For most people, when they feel down and out about themselves (and life), it shows in their actions. They might let themselves go with eating or drinking. They might not feel like going to the gym. They might quit on their side hustle, yadayadayada.

That’s the second part of the circle.

What happens next is a feeling of guilt.

The person already knows that he/she should be doing certain things in order to keep life on the rails. But because they’re not doing it, people will feel guilty about not taking action and get stuck in a state of self-loathing.

They beat themselves up over it.

And now, in addition to the initial negative emotions, it gets worse because of the feelings of guilt added to the mix.

And the circle continues from there…

The Mistake Most People Make

What do you do when you know you’re in this circle?

What most people try is something like this:

“I know I should be doing XYZ but I don’t feel like it. So I will work on “feeling better” and when I’m feeling better, THEN I’ll start taking action again!”

To which I’ll say:

It sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it?

The problem is that these insecurities and negative emotions (the culprits) are often deeply rooted and in our subconscious. Meaning that it can take months or in some cases years of inner work to overcome them.

In the meantime however…

The Circle of Self-Loathing keeps doing it’s work.

And while you’d be taking small steps forward in improving your mental state, you’d be taking bigger steps backward as a result. For that reason, changing your feeling to change behavior is incredibly ineffective…

The 2-Way Lane

But there’s some good news!

Like many things, your behavior and emotions work like a 2-way street!

Meaning:

When you’re feeling down and out, your actions tend to reflect this (you do less). However, doing less than you know you ought to also makes you feel worse.

And so you break the circle with action!

And the reverse will happen:

Because you’re taking steps to get out of the rut you’re in, you’ve got something to look at and feel good about! This then helps you (slightly) improve how you feel and think about yourself.

And with that attitude you can do a little bit more.

Squashing Negative Momentum!

You know how it sometimes seems like some people are on a roll? Like they turn everything they touch into gold? Like they can do nothing wrong and are successful at everything?

That’s the power of momentum!

When you’re in a rut, and life seems to spiral out of control, you’ve got massive negative momentum. If left unchecked, this momentum will only continue to grow and it will feel almost insurmountable at some point.

But there’s something you can do:

Quite literally anything positve.

Here’s what I mean by that:

Imagine that a boulder is rolling downhill at full speed (it has a ton of momentum). If you tried to stand in front of it and push it back, you’d get flattened!

However, if the boulder is only rolling slowly, you can stop it.

Likewise:

Massively changing your behavior would be the best solution if you’re in a situation where life seems to be slipping away. But most people can’t make that change or can’t keep it up for long enough.

Use small changes to lessen the momentum instead!

This does a few things:

1. It keeps the situation from getting worse (or at the very least it slows down how quickly it gets worse)

2. It gives a sense of being in control, which gives a huge boost to morale

3. Small steps pave the way for bigger steps

The key ingredient here is #2!

It’s crucial to start seeing a light at the end of the tunnel again. Because in Henry Ford’s famous words: “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right!”

Using The Winner Effect to Build Momentum!

Once you see the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s time to build positive momentum again!

Here’s how:

When you’re taking those initial first steps, the crucial part is to celebrate your wins, regardless of how small they are! You want to reinforce the fact that you’re actively taking steps to improve your life!

Otherwise, you will fail to see your strides!

Specifically, use positive reinforcement for your behavior.

The mind loves immediate rewards over almost anything, but our goals are often quite far into the future. This makes it harder for us to inspire ourselves into action by using it as the carrot.

Here’s the mental trick I use on myself:

Whenever I take the right actions, I take note of them, celebrate them and then I build a bridge where I remind myself that what I just did is the thing that helps me achieve my goal.

Make the action the reward you’re getting!

If possible, find ways to make it more fun or to turn it into a game or competition that you play with yourself.

Note:

This is the point where you need some self awareness about how you’re wired. Personally, I love to challenge myself and to compete, but for others this brings only stress and makes them LESS likely to take action.

Try and find something that works for you.

And finally:

Once you start building some momentum this way, try and challenge yourself into (slightly) bigger steps. With each small win and action taken, you’re building positive momentum!

You’ll be activating your Winner Effect.

The more you reinforce the right behavior, the more you’ll start to win.

And now, you’ve got a virtuous cycle!

This is the reason why some people seem to get it all. They’re snowballing from one thing to 10 others! However, what you DON’T see is the months or years that have built up to their current momentum!

That’s why success always looks easy from the outside!

Dumfuqery in Personal Development

Besides creating content, I also consume a lot of it.

While there are a lot of phenomenal teachers, there are also a lot of people who create content around personal development that are awful…

There’s loads of terrible advice out there!

In today’s audio lesson, I uncover 3 huge mistakes that most personal development trainers and coaches make in their content. If you fall victim to these 3 things it prevents you making actual growth!

The #1 Mistake in Dealing With Bad Habits

For years, I struggled with breaking my bad habits.

The reason was that I made the same mistake that most people make. It’s the idea that they can simply “quit cold turkey” and have it work out.

It’s a failing strategy!

In this video, I cover the mistake as well as the solution:

A Friendly Suggestion

Today’s action section is a tough one.

Because I have no way of knowing in what stage of momentum you are, I can’t really suggest a concrete action plan. So instead, I’ll give you the following to think about and implement:

Firstly, answer yourself this:

“For my current goal, what is the most important daily activity that I can do to make achieving it just a matter of time? How much of it should I be doing on a daily basis?”

Write it out if possible.